My Friend

My friend has known me for years. They know my thoughts before I think them, and my words before I say them. They know my fears and my worries and they say they’ll never leave me.   I know they would never betray me. They know what’s best for me, what I need. They take care of me and protect me. They love me, even when no-one else does.   They tell the truth.   They tell me when I don’t look good, and how to fix it, what food I can eat , what food I can’t eat, how much exercise I must do to look: Just that little bit better Just that little bit leaner Just that little bit thinner Until I’m no longer disgusting.   They help me with their tough love, they help me open my eyes to the reality that I am worthless, useless, pointless. They assure me I’ll be just that little bit happier With each self-inflicted wound That evolves into a lifelong scar.   They tell me I’m a lost cause, that I have nothing left to give to the world and am only a burden. They tell me my existence only causes suffering, They tell me I am better off not existing. I believe them. But they’re lying and they are not my friend.