Over the years, I’ve witnessed only a fraction of the misunderstandings around mental health and ill-health. Bear in mind that I’m talking about mental illness in general, once you add specific and less-known conditions into the mix, the lack of understanding increases tenfold. However, one thing that I think is usually overlooked is that experiences of mental illness, even for those with the same condition, can be extremely varied. One clear example is with borderline personality disorder. Based on the definition from one diagnostic manual (DSM-5), to be diagnosed with BPD you must exhibit at least 5 of the 9 symptoms. This means there could be 256 variations that fall under the same condition and even then, there will be differences in how these symptoms present.
This means that this will only really talk about my experiences and things from my point of view. That doesn’t mean it won’t be applicable to others, and I’m sure it will, but this is just a friendly reminder that as much as you research someone’s condition, it probably won’t tell you about them.
Anyways, without further ado, these are the 3 things I want you to know about (my) mental health.
1. Recovered isn’t my aim
The idea of recovery is quite complex. From the dictionary definition, ‘recovery’ is ‘a return to a normal state’ but that’s a difficult thing if you have no concept of what normal is. Mental health difficulties have been a part of my life for the last decade and, since I’m only 20 years old now, the only memories I have of teenage/adult me have also been the product of my poor mental health. In the way defined above, I have no ‘normal’ to return to.
If I take the definition of ‘recovery’ to relate to what wider society thinks of normal, then recovery still isn’t my aim. I don’t know how long I’ll experience mental health difficulties or, frankly, if it will ever stop experiencing them. Based on that, aiming for recovery could be an impossible goal and striving for it specifically could cause more harm.
Personally, I aim to manage. I aim to get to a point where the management of my symptoms means that my illness is less likely to have major impact on every aspect on my life. Unfortunately, I can’t control how the treatment of my mental health by others will have an impact on me, for example my university’s handling of it, but despite anyone else’s reaction, I’ll always be proud when I manage as best I can.
2. Chronic and episodic illness exists
One massive misconception, that I also mentioned earlier, is the idea someone who has a mental health illness will definitely be ‘cured’ one day. Like other health issues, this won’t always be the case and that’s ok. Long term mental health conditions are actually covered under the equality act and reasonable adjustments can, and must, be made. In addition, even if you don’t see it as a disability, discrimination due to your illness is classed as disability discrimination and is an offence.
Also, symptoms of a chronic illness don’t instantly mean a person is unsafe or unfit to be in education, work or society in general. Personally, I was forced to take time out of my university education, and by forced I mean that I had no choice in the matter, because my university made the assumption that a year out would make me all better. They seemed to convince themselves that forcing me out was best for me, despite the fact it meant losing almost all the support I had and any trust I had in them. What made this even harder is they didn’t consult the disability advisor, mental health services or anyone that could have made an accurate judgement on the state of my mental health. Funnily enough, when referred back to mental health services in my hometown, I was immediately discharged as I was managing well.
3. Being scared of ‘getting better’ is valid
This is definitely rooted in the fear of the unknown. My mental health difficulties have been one of the most constant things in my life, to the extent it’s presence is sometimes comforting. I don’t really know if who I am know is me or is just a display of my mental ill health or both. Even though my difficulties have taken a lot from me, I don’t know who I’d be without them and being scared of that is 100% valid.
Everyone’s different so you may or may not agree with my points but, either way, that absolutely fine.
Black Mental Me 
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