I am really bad at actually feeling how I’m feeling. However, I find that music can really aid that process. Recently, I’ve been trying to make a particular effort to make sure I actually address my mood and the direction it’s going in. Even if it’s just so I’m not surprised when things hit the floor. As I felt like it, I thought I’d go through and think about some of the songs I have on the playlist I’ve aptly named “Let’s Feel Some Feelings”.
Entombed – Deftones
The song I currently have on repeat from this playlist is “Entombed” from Deftones’ “Koi No Yokan” album. I’ve seen several interpretations of the lyrics in this song. One interpretation was that the song is about a mother and her baby, yet another is about being in a harmful relationship. However, what I like about this song is that with both headphones in and eyes closed, it feels all-encompassing. This is a feature of most of the songs on this playlist, but this song really embodies that. There is one line (and its variations) that really gets to me. The line is “shapes and colours are all I feel”. It starts off with “shapes” being shouted quite loudly and then “and colours are all I see” being far quieter and more melodic. For me, the shouting of “shapes” feels like an explosion of emotion and the rest of the line reeling it back in and taking stock. That feels like what I need to do. See the lyrics here.
How Does it Feel? – Citizen
“How Does it Feel?” By Citizen, from the 2013 album “Youth, is a song I honestly can’t describe the vibe of, but it is one I definitely I relate to. It’s quite sad and relatively slow, but it still has an energy to it. I think because the song is actually called “how does it feel”, it immediately makes me reflect on how I feel which is definitely what I was looking for. Additionally, I probably relate far too much to the line “cause I don’t feel anything anymore, so take me away”. See the lyrics here.
Head in the Ceiling Fan – Title Fight
One thing I really like about “Head in the Ceiling Fan” by Title Fight is that there is a simple and relatively quiet intro, followed by a sudden outburst of music you can really move to. Then there’s also the contrast of the monotone voice that accompanies that. This song is also so repetitive that I find it comforting to listen to. See the lyrics here.
For You I Am – Dead Sara
This is a song from Dead Sara’s 2015 “Pleasure to Meet You” album. This is an album I’ve loved since it came out and “For You I Am” is definitely a favourite. With different lyrics, I could imagine the song being very uplifting, however, the lyrics “I wanna be dead, I wanna be gone” indicate this is not the case. Those same lyrics are one of the things that really draw me to this song, it’s not often that I can shout dark thoughts in song form. See the lyrics here.
Candy Mountain – Dilly Dally
Dilly Dally’s “Candy Mountain” is a song I have a really weird relationship to. By itself, the song evokes a lot of emotion. There’s a lot of wailing and screaming and it has lyrics like “I’ve been hiding in bed” which is exactly what I do in a depressive episode. However, this song also has a lot of emotional memories behind it. When I was hospitalised a few years ago, this was the song I had on repeat – probably for the reasons listed above. I’ve recently realised I no longer think of being sectioned when I hear this song, but the memories and the feelings associated with being suicidal and unsafe are still there. If this song becomes the one I listen to on repeat, I know things are going really badly. See the lyrics here.
Near – Bilmuri
The final song I’ll talk more in-depth about is “Near” by Bilmuri. The lyric “I’m so sad and cold” is extremely fitting at the moment with the temperature being sub-zero and me being quite sad. Aside from that, this song is quite short but its chorus has an immense impact and feels so full. It reminds me of the feeling just as you’re about to burst into tears. See the lyrics here.
General
There are a few songs on this playlist that I have not mentioned. These are:
- Pain by Bilmuri
- Yellow Love by Citizen
- You by Bilmuri
- Blue Was the Beautiful You by Dead Sara
These are all great songs, in my opinion at least. My reasoning behind their addition to my playlist is generally quite similar to the rest of the songs on this playlist. They all have elements of sadness, either lyrically or melodically, and they also allow me to relate to my emotions. Overall, the playlist genres are rock, emo, a bit of metal, and a touch of more random genres like “shoegaze”. When I listen to it, I know I’m not in the best place. However, listening to this playlist feels like a commitment to acknowledge that and deal with that which is all I, or anyone else, can ask for.
Black Mental Me 
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